Monster Burger: A zombie horror comedy (247 Demon Mart) by D.M. Guay

Author:D.M. Guay [Guay, D.M.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2020-05-28T22:00:00+00:00

Chapter 16

After Big Juicy and Morty left the store, we turned our attention to the Larries. Something was seriously wrong. Their leaves had curled up, and all the stalks drooped. We tried to feed the babies Spanish fly, but they just turned up their noses. Well, they didn't have noses, but you get the idea.

I spritzed the little Larries with a plant mister while DeeDee combed through the book.

“I don't know what's wrong. It says he might need an occasional supplement during a high-stress pregnancy, but what kind of supplement? It doesn't say!” DeeDee snapped the book shut. “Dammit. These stupid books are so confusing. The instructions are never straightforward.”

She handed me the book and grabbed Larry's tray of rotten ground beef off the hot foods island. And I mean rotten. Dude. It had a green film forming on it and smelled like boiled garbage. She tried to feed it to them, but the Larries turned away.

DeeDee stared at the tray. “He used to like it this way. I'm worried. He's never wilted or gotten this big so quickly. We can't screw this up. He has to survive birthing season. There aren't many Larries left in the wild.”

Suddenly, as if to punctuate our failure, Larry's big head flopped over and crashed against the floor. His mouth opened, his tongue shot out, and his stalk convulsed. Heeeeeerrrffff Heeeeerrrrffff.

Uh oh. He was making the same sound Gertrude made when she was about to hack up a hairball.

Heeeeeerrrffff heeeeerrrrffff.

Dear lord, please don't be a hairball. Gertrude's were too disgusting for words, and she was a teeny little thing. Who knew what horror Larry would hack up.

Heeeeeerrrffff heeeeerrrrffff.

I braced for it, but Larry went completely stiff and stone still.

Oh God. He's dead. We killed him. He's going extinct, and it's our fault!

“Larry. No!” DeeDee gasped. Then I swear he looked right at her and moved. It was so subtle it was easy to miss, but he clicked his head toward the door two times.

A sweet voice came from behind us.

“Oh goodness, honey. Is that a Halloween decoration? Do you need help putting it away?”

Gulp. I knew that voice. I spun around. My Mom, Jennifer Lamb Wallace, stood on the welcome mat, looking at Larry.

This can't be happening.

I checked the clock. It was one in the morning. The Go Away charm was on. Which could only mean one thing: Mom was desperate. Really, really desperate. Because that's the only way a normal human could get past the Go Away charm.

I could see Mom's book club friends in the parking lot, waiting by Mrs. Miller's minivan, looking uncomfortable. The charm worked on the other ladies.

Shit. This was bad. This was very, very bad. I didn't know why Mom was here, but I had to get her outside, back in that minivan, before she got hurt. Or, you know, figured out there was a giant, pregnant carnivorous plant from hell in the store.

Right then, Angel eight ball rolled out from behind the hot dog station. “Remember the note she left in your laundry hamper? She's checking up on you.

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